Leading with Love

7 Tips to Create a More Loving Relationship

Don't you just love family vacations!? Every year we try to take our family up to the Tennessee Mountains and spend about half of a week exploring the mountainside and shopping in Pigeon Forge and across to Gatlinburg. It's always a beautiful trip and worth every bit of hard work that goes into planning and preparing. However, those few days just before we hit the road things can get a bit .. frazzled... Little stuff becomes big stuff.. and big stuff gets forgotten and things just seem to start turning on their ends.

I came home later than usual one night, bringing our son home from banjo lessons and as I dragged my feet through the door I noted my husband barely acknowledge my entry. Although I was grateful he had kept a clean kitchen and in fact, finished cleaning where I had left off when I buzzed out the door in a mad dash, it didn't seem to compensate for the little growing ache in my heart that he had not yet made eye contact or greeted me at all.

As I spoke to him and asked a trivial question he didn't answer. While I understand he has poor hearing, I was not willing to give it much credit because he was grossly engaged in the TV.

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So, I began the mental "grown up " talk with myself.. "hey girl.. get a grip... you walked in while he was in the middle of a program and later than usual.. he can't hear well.. and he's had a long day too... give the guy a break.." As the internal conversation carried on I stepped into our bedroom still taking care of the day's tasks and noted a pile of his pocket belongings spread across my dresser.. again. It didn't matter to me at the moment that I too had my own pile of clothing on top of a shelf in our closet.. this was a "repeat" offense that I had asked him not to do.. and "just why can't he put his stuff on HIS messy dresser" .. the internal rant was becoming louder until I finally had a question that really did need an answer and as I called it out to him and yet again received no response... I scoffed.. loudly.. and

THIS would finally get my response... to which he said to me through clenched teeth.. "what Christen.. can't it wait until after my program" .. a program which by now he was on his second and in his phone this time. I responded with a very jaded" well I guess I didn't mean to interrupt your second one for the evening. I thought maybe a would catch a moment of your time" To which he responded " I didn't realize you wanted to talk to me" which provoked, from me, an equally annoyed.. " what .. you didn't want to greet me and speak to me when I came home at all"? We both paused and it was at that moment we both realized we were not being very loving to our most favorite person in the world. The moment we recognized we were stuck in our 'me-ism" and were willing to shift gears.. we were able to reconnect and move past the hurt. There were many roots in the weeds that popped up in that 10-minute window.. and if we are willing to look for them and dig them up, a lush and beautiful garden of love will surely flourish.

Your relationship with your partner has the potential to be the most fulfilling experience in your earthly life. God designed us to complete one another. However, there are snags that can happen at every step of the way. The devil would love nothing more than to take us down with the ones we love the most.

The good news is that if you stay in the word of God, and stay proactive, you can foster a loving relationship no matter how many weeks or years you've been together. When you create a more loving relationship, you make both you and your partner happy and even better build a testimony in the Kingdom of God, a reassurance for those around you who are also hurting and confused. You won't find much better than that!

Here are some tips for creating a more loving relationship:

1. Grow with God first: Our first and most priority relationship is that which is with our Heavenly Father. For we can not know what love truly is without first experiencing love from the being whose very existence is the living attribute of all that is love. Matthew22:37 Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’

2. How is your gratitude? If you love your partner very much then you're obviously grateful for them. However, you need to learn to express your inner feelings. Your partner needs to know that you're grateful. It shouldn't be something that goes unsaid.

• 1st Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

• You can show gratitude by being more open in your conversations or by taking loving actions by buying gifts or suggesting ideas for quality time. If you are looking for specific ways that are meaningful to your loved one check out the 5 Love Languages written by Gary Chapman

3. Incorporate more fun into the relationship. You two may have separate ideas of what fun is, but try doing things together that you both enjoy. It doesn't have to be anything big and extravagant, just try to find something simple, yet exciting.

• . Proverbs 17:22 A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

• The key is to do something where you both won't know exactly what to expect. This adds that "special spice" to the relationship and helps stave off boredom.

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4. Do activities they want to do. By making the sacrifice to do something you're not all that interested in, you'll make your partner feel loved and honored. Of course, there'll be interests you share, but make it a point to join in for an activity they really enjoy more than you do.

• Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor

• If your partner has always wanted to go ballroom dancing with you, perhaps it's time to bite the bullet and go through with it.

5. Say: "I love you" regularly. It seems that you can never say these three simple words enough. Say it, text it, email it, record it, show it. Do what you have to just to remind your partner of your true feelings. This little phrase actually helps communication, lightens the mood, and fosters a more loving relationship for many years to come.

• John 13:35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

6. Listen actively. While it's important to express your own feelings, it's also critical that you truly listen to your partner's feelings. When you actively listen, you'll begin to understand your partner in a new, deeper way. They'll also feel loved because they'll see you being attentive and they'll feel like their thoughts and feelings matter.

• James 1:19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

7. Support their ideas. When you agree with your partner's ideas, make sure that you fully support them in both words and actions. This feeling of support will help your partner feel loved.

• When you don't agree with your partner, it's still important to remain loving. Don't shoot down your partner's ideas or become overly critical. Accept what they're saying and suggest alternative ideas if needed.

• Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Follow these tips, encourage your partner to do the same, and you can't help but have a more joyous, loving relationship!

Frazzled Prayer:

Lord, I pray with my sweet friends that each day would be full of love and that in our moments of defeat and frustration we would look carefully inward and pluck out the roots of the weeds that could crop up to crowd out the flowers of love. Let us be motivated to love in Grace the way Jesus loves us through each and every moment. Amen.

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