Blending a Family is TOTALLY NUTS!

Did you know that Sept 16th Was National Step-Family Day? We are a tiny bit late celebrating, but better late than never!

In honor of this very special group of people that I belong to, I am dedicating this article to you! OF COURSE, that doesn't mean that if you are not a blended family that this won't apply to you. I encourage you to read on because what encouragement can be found for our Blended and Beautiful families will also be beneficial for all relationships.

Here is a rare picture of my entire blended group together.. just so you know. .how rare .. this was about 6 years ago! LoL

My Frazzled Family!!!

We all look so happy and sweet here! I love it! There are plenty of pictures like it, but there were and still are many moments that don't look quite as lovely. There are many tough days in between these hard-to-capture moments.. but they are worth every second. Even the bible is full of blended family ups and downs.. and the greatest up.. is you and I being blended right into the arms of Christ!

Blending a Family is Totally NUTS!

Imagine this: As you walk into the grocery store you pull out your perfect little list. On it are multiple items including 4 different types of nuts you need for a recipe. As you hunt down and collect your bags of pecans, walnuts, peanuts, and almonds you happily add them to your cart imagining the delightful final results.

Now.. imagine that you lost the recipe.. and maybe your mind.. and decided to simply toss all of these nuts still in the bags, still in their shells, straight into the blender without an ounce of prep work! What a catastrophe!!! Can you imagine the smoke, broken pieces of the blender, and shredded plastic? A bunch of nuts that are no good for anything! Not to mention that massive mess to clean up afterward! A lesson learned the hard way here I guess.. is that you can't take a bunch of different nuts and simply toss them all in together without preparing them first. They have to be removed from the bag, shelled, and chopped before they can make anything good.

Now imagine.. we are those nuts!!! Yes, I know, I said it!!! We are crazy!!! But the truth is we usually are... Crazy in Love, Crazy about the kids, Crazy from our previous trauma and or circumstances.. and Yes... it's gonna take a whole lot of love and Jesus to get us through

Blended families face many unique challenges but can usually succeed at adapting to their new roles. It takes time, patience, and open communication.

While Parents are struggling through their own pain and may need to sort out feelings about their previous partners and circumstances, children have to deal with a wide variety of losses caused by forces beyond their control.

Having a blended family is not something you planned for, but with God, and a great deal of commitment, you can make it work.

Tips for Adapting as a Couple:

1. Prioritize your relationship. Mark 10:7-9 God's word says to let nothing come between you and your spouse. Your connection with each other provides the foundation for your stepfamily. Strengthening your relationship increases your chances of developing a stable and satisfying family life. Appreciate each other and schedule regular date nights.

2. Work as a team. Create a united front and share responsibilities. Make major decisions together. Romans 12:10

3. Speak Love: Children usually benefit from maintaining a close relationship with both of their biological parents. Make it easy for them to interact.Resist the urge to say anything negative about your ex-spouse. Ephesians 4:15

4. Seek support. You are not alone. More than 40% of American adults have at least one step relative, according to the Pew Research Center. Connect with

other stepparents you know or find a support group in your neighborhood or online.

5. Learn more. It may also help to educate yourself about issues that stepfamilies often experience. Visit your local library or browse through resources provided by organizations such as the National Stepfamily Resource Center.

6. Try counseling. Specialized counserlors can be found locally where you are, but Smart Step Families has been a phenomenal resource for us. If you need additional help, talk with a therapist who specializes in family relationships and blended families. Ask family and friends for referrals or call the psychology department at your local university for recommendations.

Tips for Adapting as a Family:

1. Take your time. As much as you love your partner, you’ll probably need to be patient when it comes to bonding with their children. Remember.. we are all just a little nuts here! You can still have a bright future together even if your first years are rocky. That’s especially true if your children are older or you only see them part-time. Super Tip: The best bonding you can potentially have with your spouse's children will be in large part due to how much respect and honor they see you giving to other adults in their lives that they love and trust. It translates directly to their hearts. 1st Corinthians 10:33

2. Acknowledge losses. Give your stepchildren room to grieve. They’ve lost their family and familiar routines. They may be coping with the aftermath of death or divorce, and they may be spending less time with their biological parents. Psalm 103:13

3. Reach out. You can encourage healing by showing an interest. It can be hard if it seems there are no common interests, but it is such a small sacrifice to engage in an activity you don't really want to if it means healing wounds in your family. Listen to your stepchild when they try to talk with you. Ask open-ended questions if they seem willing to share more information.

4. Spend time together. Block out time in your schedule for family activities and one-on-one sessions with each child in your new blended family. Have fun together and let them teach you about their hobbies. It is so important for a new blended family unit to build new traditions.

5. Clarify rules. Are your children dividing their time between two homes with different rules? Consistency is helpful, but other arrangements can succeed if you avoid making judgments. It’s usually more effective to let the biological parent take the lead with discipline, especially when you’re just starting out. ( I understand this is super controversial but hear me out)... would you give a weekend babysitter who only knows about 25% of basic information about your child absolute full disciplinary authority over them? Probably not... it would easily break down a child's trust and personal safety boundaries and increase their distrust in your decision-making. It takes time for a trust bond to develop enough that parental authority can be recognized.

6. Set boundaries. Affection may take time, but each family member is entitled to respect and civility. It may also help to provide personal space, so your stepchild has their own bedroom or designated areas where they can store their things and feel at home.

7. Mediate differences. Sibling rivalry is natural in any family. As much as possible, try to coach your children through settling their conflicts. Provide a positive role model.

8. Understand legal issues. Be prepared for medical emergencies and similar situations. Knowing your legal rights and responsibilities may help you to keep your blended family safe and well.

Your new family may feel at times like you're all TOTALLY NUTS but it can still be happy and rewarding.

Frazzled Prayer:

Lord help me and my sweet Frazzled Friends navigate our special and at times heartbreaking families. Lord, you know how full of despair our quiet moments as moms of our blended children can be. Help us God to be compassionate with our blended family members and ourselves as we face each new day with unexpected twists and turns knowing full well that only You can make all things good.. and that You will! Jeremiah 29:11 Amen!

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