Build a Bridge: Part 3 "Building Bridges"
- Christen Moore
- Aug 17, 2022
- 5 min read
Updated: Sep 5, 2022
Frazzled Prayer:
Heavenly Father.. I pray a special prayer for my Frazzled Friends today. That their hearts would be open and full of faith as they pick up their Bridge Building tools and put them to work!
I can still see my daughter Lindsey, blankly staring at her 13 year old self in a mirror in deep frustration. She was like a statue in deep meditation.. And I had no idea what to do with that! We had just erupted into some kind of disciplinary conversation and she was some kind of upset with me and I was some kind of upset with her! What made this scenario altogether more complicated is.. We were a brand new relationship in deep discovery mode. I’m talking submarine dive… down to the bottom.. Pressure is about to bust the glass open..deep dive.That’s often how it is when you are a blended family. I was 27 years old and taking on the responsibility of helping to raise a 13 year old girl with no previous experience raising a teenager. She was just a young girl who had never had a functioning mother in her home. There we were under deep turbulent water.. And instead of offering a life raft.. I was stirring up the tide.. And I had no idea. What we needed was simply time.. Time for her and I to learn to trust one another BEFORE I started telling her how to grow up.
Looking back on it.. I can tell you exactly where my mistake was that day.. And sad to say .. many other days… I failed to understand one primary rule of all relationships.. “People have to know you care.. Before they care what you know.”
Relationships will sometimes have you and your loved ones struggling to keep your heads above turbulent waters that keep pulling you under, gasping for air… We must learn to build bridges! BUT.. You can’t build a bridge alone.
It Takes educated planning and the right tools at the right time.
*** 3 Tools to Build Your Bridge***
People have to “Know You Care BEFORE they Care What You Know”
Know Your Common Connections
Learn Their Love Language
*****Jesus set’s the Perfect Example for “Knowing You Care”*****
#1Jesus Showed He Cared
Through great sacrifice and suffering, literally gave all that He had to light the way for us to follow.. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice and gave his life so we would know how much He loves us. Knowing that if we could see this love was so unconditional we would return to Him.
-John 3:16 For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life
-1st John 4:19: “We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.”
Make it Happen:
Thinking of your person, what are some ways you can show you care for their feelings, thoughts, interests? How can you practice putting their needs ahead of yours? Can you practice patience and endurance when there is a slow response?
Here's a Hint: If it is a struggle for you.. As it is for most of us.. Remember what lengths Jesus was willing to go for not only you.. But also this person
.
Write it Down: ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
#2 Know Your Common Connections
John 4:7 A Samaritan woman came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give me some water to drink.” 8 (For his disciples had gone off into the town to buy supplies.) 9 So the Samaritan woman said to him, “How can you—a Jew—ask me, a Samaritan woman, for water to drink?” (For Jews use nothing in common with Samaritans.) 10 Jesus answered her, “If you had known the gift of God and who it is who said to you, ‘Give me some water to drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.”
NOTICE some things here about how Jesus “connected” with the Samaritan woman.. He started with a common need. They both need to drink water and so he had placed himself in a location where inevitably a conversation could take place that would be in familiar territory to her. Then, he engaged her in an activity she was familiar with. It is through this common territory that Jesus was able to comfortably open the door to a greater topic, heavy on his heart .
Make it Happen:
Where can you find common ground with your person? Do you have common family members that you both love and interact with? Do you share a home, or a team, or a work environment? Do you have any common interests?
Here's a Hint: If you have common loved ones that they are particularly close to and they honor and respect , be extra vigilant to be kind and honorable to or about this person in their lives.. You will go a long way into their hearts if they can see you are trustworthy with someone they love.
.
Write it Down: ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
#3 Learn Their Love Language
I John 3:18 My children, we should love people not only with words and talk, but by our actions and true caring.
Jesus makes it clear that we are to demonstrate our love for one another as much as we speak it. But what actions demonstrate our love the most? Jesus demonstrated through acts of service, as well as with his words.
That is where Love languages come in . Gary Chapman is an author who has written several books on the topic, the primary one being “ The 5 Love Languages”. It is truly a phenomenal tool for helping us to see the best “how” to demonstrate our love for specific people in our lives. To give you a heads up here they are :
1)words of affirmation
2)acts of service
3)receiving gifts
4)quality time
5)physical touch
.
Make it Happen:
Pay close attention to this person you would like to restore a relationship with. How do you see them interacting with those that they appreciate and love? Can you identify how they are expressing themselves with the 5 Love Languages mentioned? Once you have started to see a pattern, try mirroring those behaviors to them. Speak their language!
Here's a Hint: If you would like to learn more about the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman there is a link at the bottom for the book.
Write it Down: ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Previous Blog Posts in this Series:
Recommended Book:
Thank you my friends for taking this time out with me to learn how to build some bridges. I am praying that you will seek the Lord first in all that you do and that you will have immeasurable love and endurance as you work out a plan to restore broken hearts.
Remember..
2nd Corinthians 13:11. Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.
Oh do I have some bridges I could mend! I'll definitely keep this all in mind!❤️